Disclaimer (<-whatever this means): Do not read on if you don't want to destroy your day/mood, this is a highly mildly emo post. And yes, I'm an attention whore, who isn't?

As I was filling in the 'My resume' page just now, I realized I have no Employment experience, no involvement in extra co-curricular activities, no Achievements and no Skills. Sad.

I haven't gotten a proper job before, not even a part time job. I am definitely not active in any societies or clubs, what more with having positions in a society or club right? I have not achieved anything in my life, have not participated any competitions; have not represented anything for anything. Then I don't have any skills worthy to be mentioned, neither have I acquired any skills through formal training and whatnot. Sad.

Sigh, the only section I can fill in is the 'Language' section. And I bet 2340983216534 other students from Malaysia can at least put in two languages in there. So what's so special about me? Nothing.

And I thought I could apply for a reasonable, worthwhile internship. But with my qualifications, what can I ask for right? At most I can only provide free human labor at some random social work site and that is, if I'm that 'good' at doing social work!

All this while I've been wasting time, I have never been productive, I have never excelled in anything, I was ignorant and shallow (sadly still am). Hell crap, I'm not even doing good in my studies. Am I wasting life here? While I am hopelessly wasting my life here, there are a gazzilion people out there fighting to live! The Szechuan earthquake victims for instance, a man held on for more than 70 hours to be rescued only to meet his wife and the baby they're expecting, he said he could not leave the baby fatherless. He was rescued, but he finally succumbed in the hospital, before meeting his wife. Sad.
Sigh, my point is... Oh, I don't even know what's my point. I think I just feel a bit worthless again.

Sigh, my future is not looking good. I think I'll join in the % of unemployed grads in Malaysia when I graduate.

I better start fishing some rich guys and plan my marriage soon. Oh wait, I can't do that, those are for the girls! I know! I can place my bets on some random rich widow whose husband has passed away; duh yea, widow = husbandless. Hmm, I'm beyond pathetic.

I have never tried anything seriously, wholeheartedly, give it all out, my best; yet all this while I thought I've been doing things with my 'heart' so to speak. I was and am still afraid of failure, I got conquered by the fear of failure, of embarrassment... I don't know.

I don't know. I just don't know anymore.